Thursday, November 15, 2007

And We're Auf! "Project Runway"

So, it's back! One of the best hours of reality on the tube is here to save the TV season from ruin. First, let's meet the contestants:

Rami, 31, is a fairly successful designer, having made a dress Jessica Alba wore to the VMA's one year that, apparently, still gets publicity. If you say so, Rami. He seems pretty normal, though.
Chris, 44, is a costume designer who says he specializes in one-of-a-kind creations, and looks like a chubbier Nathan Lane to me.
Christian, 21, is a freelance designer. Look out--he droppin' names. He reminds me of somebody; I'll figure it out eventually.
Carmen, 37, is a former model, and also a freelance designer. She and Christian have the same hair. From the 80's.
Jillian, 26, is a cute girl (who may be kinda bitchy) and currently works at Ralph Lauren. I bet she totally knows Rachel Green!
Kit "Pistol", 26, is a stylist, who calls her name an alias. She also says "life is too short to wear a bad outfit". But apparently, a stupid alias is fine.
Kevin, 30, is a jeans designer who would very much like you to know is a heterosexual. In case you were wondering. I'm surprised he doesn't immediately start bench pressing something.
Jack, 38, is a very cute activewear designer. We learn nothing more.
Steve, 29, works at the Chicago Museum of Science & Industry and is adorable to me. I want to make him some cocoa.
Simone, 32, is yet another freelance designer. In other news, her eyebrows are planning to eat her face at any moment.
Elisa, 42, is an "accidental" fashion designer. Also? She's batshit crazy.
Marion, 39, is a boutique owner. And, so far, almost mute and kinda creepy to me.
Ricky, 35, is a lingerie designer and an emotional powder keg. He cries in about the first 10 seconds of being on camera.
Sweet P, 46, is--wait for it--a freelance designer and apparently acquired her stupid nickname while she was part of an all-girl motorcycle club. I wonder if they also fought crime?
Vicktorya, 34, is--I know you won't believe this--a freelance designer. She must last a while, because we learn pretty much nothing else about her.

The first challenge required the contestants to create an outfit that expressed who they were as designers. This was our first chance to glimpse the special brand of crazy that Elisa is selling. She immediately took a piece of fabric (from the $50K worth stashed in two tents in Bryant Park), laid it on the grass and began actively working to get it stained, or as she put it, "imbuing it with a natural element". Yeah, that's what my one-year-old said tonight at dinner when he rubbed mac n' cheese in his hair. We were pretty excited.

Since this is already too long, let's skip to the runway show. As usual, I am reminded that I have no idea what "fashion" is all about. I don't care; I just love how Heidi says "Nina Garcia". It sounds like she's growling. As you might expect, Elisa's dress is a nightmare, and her model almost trips and falls on the god-awful fishtail train. Chris, Kevin, Sweet P, Jillian, Marion, Carmen and Kit are all passed along without incident. I will go on record as saying I don't understand Kit's patchwork-y design that juxtaposes two totally different patterns. And Jack made a dress that is a black and white print with blue trim. He's totally the Uli of this season!

Rami and Vicktorya made the coolest, sleekest dresses, while Ricky made, basically, a shiny nightie that almost gets him booted. What we're left with is Simone's sloppy-looking, poorly made dress with a mismatched jacket, Christian's plaid suit thingy that I detest, and Elisa's mess.

Rami wins (I was so relieved!) and--here's where I get lost--the judges actually like Christian's dress, which has shoulder pads and looks like Melanie Griffith may have worn it in "Working Girl", but what do I know? He is very happy with himself. I don't like him at all. It comes down to Simone and Eliza, and, since Elisa is insane, she's the obvious choice to stay. Bye, Simone! Go to the spa and get those brows dyed and shaped, stat!

1 comment:

Don said...

Wow. Epic write-up. Did I just read bios for 1,000 contestants? That seems like too many. But that's just me.

Oh, crap! I just imbued my shirt with a natural, java element.