Thursday, January 3, 2008

It was the Best of Reality, It was the Worst of Reality...

Tonight was a double-header of reality shows for yours truly, as I felt compelled to check out the supremely annoying combo of Trump and Omarosa (or as Big Pussy called her, "Ponderosa") on Celebrity Apprentice as well as catch up on last night's delicious episode of Project Runway.

Let's get "Reality Star" Omarosa and that renaissance man (actor, author and entrepreneur, according to DT) Stephen Baldwin out of the way first. Even though I was familiar with a majority of these people, at least by name (EJ's got the whole list and some details here), I didn't consider many of them to be in the category of, as DT put it, "the world's most successful celebrities!" Really, Will Smith is going to be on this show? HE'S a successful celebrity. Which is why he's very, very busy and has no time to sell flippin' hot dogs on a street corner in NYC. Or should I say, stand around and pose for pictures while Gene Simmons calls his minions to bring money to him. That man terrifies me. Is that a piece on his head, or what?

Only slight less terrifying was Jenna Jameson, who showed up to support her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz (if you say so!) I'm not saying I've ever seen her work (OK, so what if I am?) but she just looks rough these days. I'm not sure whether to applaud or scold the show for not doing a long, loving close up of Jenna deep throating a hot dog. Too obvious?

To her credit, Marilu Henner, whom I've never had a problem with even though I think she's a little ditzy, seems above all of this. Omarosa, on the other hand, is the resident pro in the format and excels at making it All About Her. I fear she may be around for a long, long time. And, as I have seen many others saying as I checked my favorite message boards before writing this, if the show continues to be straight moneymaking tasks and therefore consists of Gene Simmons making phone calls to win tasks, it will get old...wait for it...now.

Poor Tiffany the Playmate. She may get naked for a living, but she seems like a very sweet, bright girl. She was lunch for Omarosa. She got fired for "underselling", which was a stupid way of saying she should've just taken all her clothes off, since Omarosa said that's her "brand". I think this is completely ludicrous, especially considering I don't even think Nadia Comaneci was at the hot dog cart, was she? I didn't hear her speak once! I know she's short, but come on. I'll come back next week, mostly in the hopes that the Alec Baldwin appearance teased in the opening comes to fruition sooner than later.

On the other end of the spectrum, Project Runway was back with a challenge that took the designers on a field trip to the Hershey store in Times Square, a place I've actually been! It's a gaudy, commercially crass hellhole, but, hey, they have candy! And candy shaped pillows! The designers had five minutes to grab all the crap they could (it was like Supermarket Sweep!) to use as material for their design.

As they were working on their wearable confections, we were brought in on the fact that Elisa was mowed down on the streets of London by a Porsche a few years back and nearly died--well, at least she was in a coma for five days. Suddenly, she has the big sympathy edit, so I'm sure she's around for the long haul, even if she sends her model down the runway in a slip, holding a Twizzler.

Then , after a stressful design segment and some awfully extensive makeup porn in the L'Oreal Makeup Room, we got down to business. Almost everyone came up with something kinda cool and interesting, mostly using fabric from the aforementioned pillows and lotsa wrappers. Christian made a dress completely from the Reeses' inside brown wrappers, continuing to annoy me with his ego while also making me want to sprint to CVS and get a bag to devour myself. Rami used the widest variety of wrappers and other junk to make something that was impeccably constructed, fitted and detailed. I think Zac Posen has a crush...or maybe vice versa. I know I wish Zac would come on the show more and more. He's cute, funny and gives actual valuable critiques.

For once, Chris did some editing of his design and made a sharp, simple dress that impressed the judges. You could tell they had a hard time choosing between Jillian, who at one point looked doomed, and Rami, who ended up the winner. Jillian really pulled off something unique with a bustier and fluttery skirt made almost entirely out of Twizzlers. And it was scented!

Elisa, Sweet P and Victorya were all pretty much dull. Victorya apparently got by on her past work, because this one was terrible. When it was down to Sweet P and Elisa, I was sure Elisa would make it (see above) but I guess Sweet P got points for scrapping one design and coming up with a replacement in time, lame as it was. In the end, I guess Elisa was more "eccentric" than "crazy", but I still won't particularly miss her.

12 comments:

Don said...

Jenna Jameson deep throating? This would be like asking Gene Simmons to play a few tunes on a saxophone for you. Deep throating is NOT her thing, dammit!!!

It pisses me off how society just broad brushes porn-stars. Just because you're a porn star doesn't mean you automatically have done everything. Some do anal but won't do orgy. Some do interracial but won't swallow. Some porn stars don't deep throat while others do ATM.

Its about specialization, folks.

If Jenna had deep-throated that hot-dog ...well ...her fans would've finally known she truly sold-out.

Myndi said...

WTF is ATM?

Don said...

i'm sure you can find out ...but PLEASE ...don't Google it at work.

Myndi said...

OH.

I really should've been able to figure that one out, huh? I think I'm a little glad I didn't.

Also, good news, I won't be eating lunch today!

DarrinW said...

I'm just thankful we live in a world where the porn industry can specialize in certain genres. Straight up isn't your thing? Perhaps ATM is more your style? No? Well then, may I present you with a phallic symbol made of ice??

Don said...

Ah, yes. Ice dildo. Janine didn't even do straight for a long while. Yes ...I call her Janine like I know her.

Myndi said...

You guys are killin' me! Nobody wants to talk about, I don't know, pleats? Pencil Skirts? Omarosa?

Don said...

See why I initially dubbed you House Mother. I bring my frat brothers 'round these parts and this is bound to happen. Even the classy ones like Darrin were once shady.

OK. Your game. Omarosa. I'll bet she knows her way around a ball-gag and I'll bet she wasn't grossed out by "two girls, one cup" when she got it in her inbox.

Happy, now?

I'm going to watch last night's Conan ...he never has to stoop to these levels.

Myndi said...

Since her surgery, she appears to have the equivalent of two girls in one cup, that's for sure. Nice outfit she wore in the boardroom, too. God, she's annoying.

And, yes, I'm pretty sure she's skanks out big time in the bedroom. I'm kind of surprised we haven't seen her in a sex tape, given her desperate need for attention.

EJ said...

This talk of porn made me think of something. There's a used DVD store I like to patronize. They have regular DVD's and porno. The porn is MUCH better organized than the regular movies. The regular movies are sort of vaguely alphabetized by title, but they've got the porn separated by studio and genre.

It occurs to me that maybe the porn isn't so much a sideline as their whole reason for being. They probably think I'm a freak for going in there to buy "Spider-Man"

Don said...

They probably think you simply chicken out every time you come into the store and that, one of these days, you're going to boldly start rifling through the porn, judgemental eyes be damned!!!

It all starts somewhere.

I'll never forget the first time I finally mustered the nerve to enter the "18+" room. That sense of awkwardness eventually gave way to my feelings of entitlement and power.

In fact, the first time in the "18+" room I asked some dope to rent a few tapes for me and he said "yes." FOOL!!! Those VHS tapes stayed for many years tucked into the drop ceiling in the basement.

I've crossed a line, haven't I?

Myndi said...

Just waitin' for the adult friend finder ads to pop up...