It's Oscar Weekend

Though I have seen a grand total of one of the Best Picture nominees, I am still rather excited for tonight's big event. It might be the live blogging, I don't know. Apparently, so is Lisa Rinna, who works the Red Carpet for E! Yesterday, perusing my latest People magazine, I was made privy to her pre-awards regimen, and it is kind of a scary comment on how obsessed one can be with one's looks. She gets Botox every three weeks, some other dermatological peel of some sort, admits to taking Dexatrim (What is this, 1987? Oh, it's the "all natural green tea formula", whatev!) and even has a hysterical picture in the mag where she's trying to look all windblown while "running" with light weights. (Not that I doubt she exercises, girlfriend is ripped.)

The day of the show, she eats a banana and Red Bull for breakfast and her lunch consists of a "half an omlette" (can't you just make a smaller omlette?) and turkey bacon. The funniest thing in this article is where she insists her lips are natural. I can't believe she thinks anyone would believe that, considering she looks like that singing Bass that was all the rage not too long ago. Up on the right is some photographic evidence to disprove her statement.

Last night was the return of Saturday Night Live after the lengthy strike-imposed hiatus. My girl Tina Fey hosted, and she did a great job, especially in the Rock of Love sketch, the commercial for Annuale (the pill that creates annual periods, and which implores you that when you do get your period you better "hold on to your f'in hat!") the game show "What's that Bitch Talkin' About?" (where the grand prize was a '92 Canary Yellow Mazda Protege) and in her guest stint on Weekend Update. She had great one-liners about Kirstie Alley swearing she's kept her weight off ("She knows we can see her, right?") and Lindsay Lohan's nude photos ("finding new and different ways to look old"). As for Hillary Clinton being perceived as a bitch, Tina may have had a point when she rebuffed that by saying, "Bitches get stuff done!"

I hope that EJ saw the Celebrity Apprentice spoof, which had mutations like Celebrity Apprentice: Special Victims Unit (with Mary Jo Buttafucco and John Mark Karr, plus his fave, Gene Simmons, as a judge in a task that required them to make a porno). Also, at the goodnights, Tina brought out Don Pardo, the longtime NBC announcer, who started at the network in 1944 and just turned 90-years-old! Honestly, he looks about 75 to me.

My very favorite part, though, was this, from Tina's monologue, where she addressed the strike (yes, I am rewound and paused the DVR multiple times to get this all down. Leave me alone.) "We were able to raise the rate of writers' compensation for ad supported electronic sell thru downloads from a flat rate of $600 for 26 weeks, per 100,000 downloads, to a percentage of .036% of a distributor's gross of any ad revenue generated by said streaming after an initial window of 17 days, starting in 3 years. So, yeah!" TV is back!

Sunday Morning Musings

OK, so technically, it's Sunday afternoon, but these musings have been in my head all morning. It just took me a bit to make it to the computer.

First of all, congrats to my spunkybean colleague, EJ, on his first "blogiversary". Why doesn't Hallmark make a card for such a momentous occasion? It's nice to get something other than bills in the mail, ya know? I think I'm gonna make a call. Anyway, good job EJ! We often joke that we share a brain on all things pop culture, but one area in which he has me beat hands down is Lost. If you're like me, and often find yourself fascinated but totally confused, look no further than EJ's recaps of each episode on the 'bean. He's super-insightful and also obsessed, which only benefits his readers.



Onto Survivor, where the "Fans vs Favorites" edition recently kicked off with the first tribal council vote-off (or "quit", if you ask Probst) of Jon Dalton, whose stupid nickname I will not repeat. Good riddance. This week, more time was spent with the "Fans" as the show attempted to introduce these ten people. As usual, it's going to take a while to get really exciting. I mean, the poor girl who got kicked off, Mary, had made no impression beyond the way she filled out a bikini. But, she was apparently alligned with the guy--Mikey B (ew, stop that)--who had big plans to run the show, only to be stopped by Joel, who is very large and hulking. Meanwhile, the goofy 40-something lady who still wears pigtails and looks a little like Ruth Buzzi is still there. (I know, I know, she had an immunity idol--it's gone now, as she soon will be). Also, Ozzy, sweetie? Word of advice. If you want to keep Amanda around for some more jungle lovin', best not to try to unhinge your jaw and swallow her whole, OK? Just relax.


Celebrity Apprentice drags along as well. I was sucked in early, and thus cannot escape its grasp. This week, Omarosa came full circle and was back in megabitch mode, calling Piers Morgan nasty names, bringing up his personal life and family in the context of a game show where money is being raised for charity, all in an effort to get him fired. Can we stop indulging this woman already and banish her from TV? Also, Stephen Baldwin called upon the cutest Baldwin, Billy, to help his cause this week. (For those keeping score, Alec is by far the most awesome Baldwin, but Billy's very pretty.) I totally saw Billy having drinks at bar at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills with Chazz Palminteri last August. Of course, no one I was with knew that's who he was having drinks with. (This is why you people call me at all hours of the day and night. Because I know this stuff!) So, who's Stephen going to trot out next? His sister-in-law Chynna Phillips? Maybe she can get that big Wilson Phillips reunion together. You know you want it. If you want some more laughs, EJ has the task of recapping this as well.

American Idol is kickin' into high gear at long last, with the announcement of their Top 24 this past week. A lot of these kids sound pretty good, but there are also many we've never seen before, which drives me buggy. Don has gone into painstaking detail on all of this, and I have a feeling he may even talk to someone who made the Top 50, but got no screentime, in the very near future. It'll all be at--you guessed it--spunkybean.com!

Project Runway is wrapping up, and they eliminated Sweet P this week, which was to be expected. She was a nice lady and made some nice stuff, but doesn't have all the tools to do an entire line. I agree that Christian and Jillian do, as long as the latter gives herself enough time to complete things. And that leaves Rami and Chris to have a "Three Look-Off" for the last spot at Bryant Park. Sounds like something out of West Side Story. You know the producers were snickering when they let Rami loose in the Greek and Roman room on the Metropolitan Museum of Art to get his inspiration for the last challenge. Like he even cared about the other two rooms he had to choose from. Giving Rami to choice to drape or not to drape is like giving Amy Winehouse the choice to smoke crack or not. The answer is obvious. I still think he'll end up beating Chris for the spot.

Lastly, if you're into Big Brother at all, I'm your girl. This special winter season started out of the gate quickly with the "couples" twist, meaning that the houseguests play in teams of two, including being voted off that way. Precious few of these people are very bright or very mature (I actually watched a little of Big Brother After Dark last night, and it was one of the most vapid things I've ever seen. But I watched it for about a half hour anyway.) and the crazy factor is way high. You have at least a month until anything new comes back, so please, join me!

Circus of the Stars Returns!

Well, not really, but NBC did greenlight this piece of junk from Endemol Entertainment, the good people who bring you Deal or No Deal and Big Brother. The thing that gave me the biggest laugh in the press release was this paragraph:

"This show will draw our favorite celebrities out of their comfort zone and into a stunning and magical circus environment that allows them to showcase their unseen skills," said Plestis. "It's a fresh concept from our friends at Endemol and is unlike anything else currently in the TV landscape."

So many untruths in there. First of all, I highly doubt this show will feature very many of my favorite celebrities. Secondly, I really don't think many actors secretly practice tightrope walking or lion taming, or even driving a tiny motorcycle around in one of those metal cages. And most of all, this is anything but a "fresh concept." I happened to catch a few minutes (OK, fine, hours) of I Love the 80's 3D this past weekend, and they totally showed a whole package of Circus of the Stars clips...Brooke Shields training dogs, Slater and Zack on the trapeze and Allan Thicke being sat on by a donkey, which I didn't really think was a skill. Anyway, this ain't nothin' new, is all I'm saying. Also, "stunning and magical"? Really? Maybe if you're five.

What they really need to bring back, and do it correctly (not with stupid reality stars and eliminations), is Battle of the Network Stars. I want to see Hugh Laurie against Steve Carell and Patrick Dempsey in that kick-ass obstacle course with the tires, and I want to see it now!

And since I'm here, let me remind you to check out spunkybean for all your American Idol and Celebrity Apprentice recap needs once again. Coming soon: Lost and Big Brother, which is my assignment, God help me.

You Gotta Go...

...over to spunkybean to check out EJ's new Celebrity Apprentice recap. It's awesome as usual. Try not to drink while you're reading, as many a keyboard has been lost already. Also, as I surfed today, I was amused and heartened to see The Moldy Peaches, a band enjoying huge acclaim on the Juno soundtrack, playing the delightful "Anyone but You" on The View. The guest prior to the band? General Colin Powell. Go figure. For my recent review of the soundtrack as a whole, which is fabulous (the soundtrack I mean!), click here.

Idol is Back!

It's here, it's here! The show that will save American television from ruin! Yes, folks, that guiltiest of pleasures, American Idol, returned to our parched and dusty airwaves last night with a whole new season. I already feel like there's something brighter and shinier about the show. Maybe it was the way Simon was genuinely nice to that overweight girl who plays football and has a sick mother? Maybe it was the way they actually showed more than one contestant make it through to Hollywood? Oh I know--it was the way in which Paula seemed lucid for most of the 2-hour premiere. Whatever it was, Don's got it all covered, and then some, over at spunkybean! Check it out! (you also have to read EJ's Celebrity Apprentice wrap up. Bring a lunch, read 'em both; they're that good.)

And since I'm way late on The Amazing Race, let me just say that I am over the moon that Nate and Butt-Chin were eliminated, on her birthday, and, it would appear, as a direct result of their bickering and her fuming over TK and Rachel. If she would have just focused on herself, my guess is they would have lived to race another day. As it is, I will be happy for anyone who wins this. Yes, even Ron, who seems to have been learning an ongoing lesson and truly strengthening his relationship with his daughter during the race. I guess we'll see on Sunday. The big question now is, when does the next Race start?

50th Post!!

Hard to believe I've hit 50 posts?  Not really, since I've just taken my incessant babbling about stuff and put it into blog form.  So, now, I talk too much and write too much...is this really good for anyone?  No matter, you can't stop me! (bwahhahaha!)

Well, this'll be sort of a catch-all entry, as I'd like to give you (whoever the hell you are) my thoughts on Celebrity Apprentice, Project Runway and a couple other random items that have crossed my path in the last couple days.

Celebrity Apprentice--It's hard to believe that one screen can contain all the combined assiness of Gene Simmons and Donald Trump (not to mention Stephen Baldwin and Piers Morgan), but maybe it's the hi-def equipment or something. These two suck hardcore, yet they could buy and sell me several times over, which hardly seems fair. It appears that Gene is even more of a male chauvanist than The Donald, a man who once intimated on The View that his daughter was so attractive that he would date her, if only she wasn't his daughter.  Gene stirred controversy this week by being quite rude to Ivanka and her giant rack when she came to check Team Hydra's progress on the Pedigree commercial task.  Gene basically ignored her saying, "She'll wait", and then flat-out asking if, since she was the "female of the species" (for whom he obviously has an unhealthy level of contempt) she was going to run back to the women and share their plans.  I had to side with Ivanka in being appalled.  She brought it up later in the boardroom, and DT was mock-pissed at Gene for "insulting" his daughter, until Gene deigned to remove his shades and issue the most insincere apology ever.  Omarosa used the whole incident to suck up to the Trumps, which surprised exactly no one.  And she hit on Lennox Lewis, who's married, right in front of all the other Apprenti and several viewers.  Keep it in your pants, O.

In the end, the men made a professional enough looking spot, perhaps more in spite of than due to director Stephen Baldwin's "20 years in film", while the women gave really sad, yet amazingly lame sob stories to dogs through voiceover and failed to actually use any of their celebrity on the task, again, which seems to be the overriding theme here.  I also decided it's kind of hard to look at Nely Galan and her fishlips.  I must admit I nodded off at some point, and missed how Nadia Comaneci managed to blow running the craft service table so badly that she got fired.  Donald was disappointed that, despite all her Olympic gold (ya know, over 30 years ago) that she was unable to lead the team.  Last time I checked, getting a perfect 10 on the uneven parallel bars doesn't really require you to lead anyone, per se.  So, if you can depend on anything in this world, it's that the reasons that Donald Trump fires anyone on The Apprentice will continue to have nothing to do with anything relevant.  

Project Runway--This week, the remaining designers were required to design a prom dress for a group of Catholic schoolgirls, who selected them based on their portfolios, rather than the other way around.  Most of the designers were at least moderately horrified at having to design dresses for such a cliche event as prom (while we were treated to pictures of several of them at their proms), and at having to take orders from teenage girls to boot.  None was more devastated than Christian, who, of course, hates the whole concept of prom (shocking, I know!) but also got the most outspoken model; one who literally grabbed the pencil and sketchpad from him and seemed keenly aware that she was going to be on a reality show.  She also had the tackiest design in mind, and I though Christian's head might pop right off as he put together the brown and black monstrosity with a pouffy skirt, beading and lace applique.  

Ultimately, the only dresses the judges really liked belonged to Sweet P, who should have won for her long, glamourous silk gown; and Victorya, who actually did win for this blue halter dress with jewels on the neckline that I wasn't really feeling. Chris did an excellent job (while also reminding the two eventual top finishers, who have been cellar dwellers often, that he actually has been auffed, so quit yer bitchin'!)  as did Kit, who has definitely become one of my favorites.  

I understood the criticism Rami received for creating something a little too old-looking for a teen girl, but he was immune, so why bother, really?  What I didn't get was why Ricky was given a pass yet again, when he consistently scores low, in order to get rid of Kevin for his cheap-looking design this time around, when many of his past designs have been in the top tier. I felt like Kev just didn't care anymore, as evidenced by his choice not to finish the hem of the dress when he had the time to do so.  I thought they should've sent Ricky packing based on his less-than-stellar body of work, which, along with his outspoken persona, is the reason they kept Christian around.  I know I'm not the only one who is sick to death of watching Ricky come thisclose to slitting his wrists in every interview.  Oh well, maybe next week! 

In other disturbing news, I read in Media Week that A&E is renewing the "non-scripted" The Two Coreys for a second season, presumably in the summer of 2008, for 10 more painful episodes. Lord knows, back in 1986, when Haim was endearing himself to girls like myself in Lucas, you could never have convinced me that Feldman, i.e. the lesser Corey, would at least appear to be the more successful, well-adjusted Corey in the 21st century. Haim has somehow survived his history of drug and alcohol addiction (not to mention a stroke) to still be here, but he's had a once promising acting career reduced to this piece of crap "reality"show that's truly unwatchable, even to its target audience.  So sad. 

In case you hadn't heard, NBC is airing the last two episodes of Chuck that are in the can until the strike ends on Jan. 24, sandwiched around the aforementioned Celebrity Apprentice.  I'm not sure I get why they don't run one each week for two weeks. Do they expire or something?

That was a Relief!

Well, even though I didn't actually see it happen, and therefore don't believe it completely, I understand that my faves, TK and Rachel, were saved from certain elimination last night on The Amazing Race by the second and final non-elimination leg of the race. This almost never happens to a team I'm rooting for, so that is great news to me. Where was I, you may ask? (You probably didn't ask, but I tend to overshare). Cleaning up and comforting my one-year-old, who puked his entire dinner up in his crib. Poor little guy!

I guess having two stops from India to Japan was what really did them in, and I really hate when one slip that's non-challenge related (though you could certainly argue that getting the best flight is one more challenge on each leg) costs someone the game. Of course, I would be singing a completely different tune if this were Nate and Butt-Chin, who tried desperately to win me over with a Borat reference ("King in the castle!"), to no avail. But, alas, there they were, all happy skippy in first place...until Jen thought Nate wasn't paying enough attention to her and...BAM! Another second place finish! I hope that's their entire story arc--never finishing first, ever.

Ron and Chris did a solid job this leg, but the man shouldn't be congratulated just for not berating his daughter. It's hardly something to boast about. And Don and Nick, AKA Grandpa Crusty and his Bitch (Don's word, not mine) benefitted immensely from TK and Rachel's bad luck, which, again, since they're my other favorite, is fine with me. I assume we have one more elimination until the race for the finish line.

I was also subjected to part of American Gladiators last night, which my husband tried to convince me means he does actually like sports. Mind you, he couldn't tell you the name of a current NFL quarterback or an MLB pitcher, but he likes sports, based on his love of this show and the late, lamented Battlebots, which had remote-controlled robots "fighting" each other. Sure you do, honey. Ah, well. Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali get to read stiff scripted "banter" with the contestants and the Gladiators also have horrible dialogue to spew before (and sometimes during) an event. It's really quite painful. But, if you take that part out, it's not completely without merit. Some of these people are insanely strong and agile, which is inspiring and entertaining to see. But not in place of Heroes. That's just wrong!

I also just saw this morning that another putrid, returning reality show, which will not be screened in my house (unless the producers wish to pay me) is Search for the Next Pussycat Doll: Girlicious. Yes, you read that correctly. The show has a subtitle this time around and it's "Girlicious". Which is way too close to "Fergalicious" for my tastes. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

One more note today, which is to make sure you are checking Spunkybean often, as we are always adding great stuff to the site. This week we'll have EJ's hillarious take on Celebrity Apprentice (with, let's hope, less porn-oriented comments than on this blog) and The Don's Idol Preview, plus music and sports content if that's more your thing. Plus, get ready for my latest piece...an in-depth analysis of male celebrity hair in pop culture. There may still be a strike on, but at Spunkybean, we laugh in the face of bad TV...literally!

It was the Best of Reality, It was the Worst of Reality...

Tonight was a double-header of reality shows for yours truly, as I felt compelled to check out the supremely annoying combo of Trump and Omarosa (or as Big Pussy called her, "Ponderosa") on Celebrity Apprentice as well as catch up on last night's delicious episode of Project Runway.

Let's get "Reality Star" Omarosa and that renaissance man (actor, author and entrepreneur, according to DT) Stephen Baldwin out of the way first. Even though I was familiar with a majority of these people, at least by name (EJ's got the whole list and some details here), I didn't consider many of them to be in the category of, as DT put it, "the world's most successful celebrities!" Really, Will Smith is going to be on this show? HE'S a successful celebrity. Which is why he's very, very busy and has no time to sell flippin' hot dogs on a street corner in NYC. Or should I say, stand around and pose for pictures while Gene Simmons calls his minions to bring money to him. That man terrifies me. Is that a piece on his head, or what?

Only slight less terrifying was Jenna Jameson, who showed up to support her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz (if you say so!) I'm not saying I've ever seen her work (OK, so what if I am?) but she just looks rough these days. I'm not sure whether to applaud or scold the show for not doing a long, loving close up of Jenna deep throating a hot dog. Too obvious?

To her credit, Marilu Henner, whom I've never had a problem with even though I think she's a little ditzy, seems above all of this. Omarosa, on the other hand, is the resident pro in the format and excels at making it All About Her. I fear she may be around for a long, long time. And, as I have seen many others saying as I checked my favorite message boards before writing this, if the show continues to be straight moneymaking tasks and therefore consists of Gene Simmons making phone calls to win tasks, it will get old...wait for it...now.

Poor Tiffany the Playmate. She may get naked for a living, but she seems like a very sweet, bright girl. She was lunch for Omarosa. She got fired for "underselling", which was a stupid way of saying she should've just taken all her clothes off, since Omarosa said that's her "brand". I think this is completely ludicrous, especially considering I don't even think Nadia Comaneci was at the hot dog cart, was she? I didn't hear her speak once! I know she's short, but come on. I'll come back next week, mostly in the hopes that the Alec Baldwin appearance teased in the opening comes to fruition sooner than later.

On the other end of the spectrum, Project Runway was back with a challenge that took the designers on a field trip to the Hershey store in Times Square, a place I've actually been! It's a gaudy, commercially crass hellhole, but, hey, they have candy! And candy shaped pillows! The designers had five minutes to grab all the crap they could (it was like Supermarket Sweep!) to use as material for their design.

As they were working on their wearable confections, we were brought in on the fact that Elisa was mowed down on the streets of London by a Porsche a few years back and nearly died--well, at least she was in a coma for five days. Suddenly, she has the big sympathy edit, so I'm sure she's around for the long haul, even if she sends her model down the runway in a slip, holding a Twizzler.

Then , after a stressful design segment and some awfully extensive makeup porn in the L'Oreal Makeup Room, we got down to business. Almost everyone came up with something kinda cool and interesting, mostly using fabric from the aforementioned pillows and lotsa wrappers. Christian made a dress completely from the Reeses' inside brown wrappers, continuing to annoy me with his ego while also making me want to sprint to CVS and get a bag to devour myself. Rami used the widest variety of wrappers and other junk to make something that was impeccably constructed, fitted and detailed. I think Zac Posen has a crush...or maybe vice versa. I know I wish Zac would come on the show more and more. He's cute, funny and gives actual valuable critiques.

For once, Chris did some editing of his design and made a sharp, simple dress that impressed the judges. You could tell they had a hard time choosing between Jillian, who at one point looked doomed, and Rami, who ended up the winner. Jillian really pulled off something unique with a bustier and fluttery skirt made almost entirely out of Twizzlers. And it was scented!

Elisa, Sweet P and Victorya were all pretty much dull. Victorya apparently got by on her past work, because this one was terrible. When it was down to Sweet P and Elisa, I was sure Elisa would make it (see above) but I guess Sweet P got points for scrapping one design and coming up with a replacement in time, lame as it was. In the end, I guess Elisa was more "eccentric" than "crazy", but I still won't particularly miss her.