Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's Oscar Weekend

Though I have seen a grand total of one of the Best Picture nominees, I am still rather excited for tonight's big event. It might be the live blogging, I don't know. Apparently, so is Lisa Rinna, who works the Red Carpet for E! Yesterday, perusing my latest People magazine, I was made privy to her pre-awards regimen, and it is kind of a scary comment on how obsessed one can be with one's looks. She gets Botox every three weeks, some other dermatological peel of some sort, admits to taking Dexatrim (What is this, 1987? Oh, it's the "all natural green tea formula", whatev!) and even has a hysterical picture in the mag where she's trying to look all windblown while "running" with light weights. (Not that I doubt she exercises, girlfriend is ripped.)

The day of the show, she eats a banana and Red Bull for breakfast and her lunch consists of a "half an omlette" (can't you just make a smaller omlette?) and turkey bacon. The funniest thing in this article is where she insists her lips are natural. I can't believe she thinks anyone would believe that, considering she looks like that singing Bass that was all the rage not too long ago. Up on the right is some photographic evidence to disprove her statement.

Last night was the return of Saturday Night Live after the lengthy strike-imposed hiatus. My girl Tina Fey hosted, and she did a great job, especially in the Rock of Love sketch, the commercial for Annuale (the pill that creates annual periods, and which implores you that when you do get your period you better "hold on to your f'in hat!") the game show "What's that Bitch Talkin' About?" (where the grand prize was a '92 Canary Yellow Mazda Protege) and in her guest stint on Weekend Update. She had great one-liners about Kirstie Alley swearing she's kept her weight off ("She knows we can see her, right?") and Lindsay Lohan's nude photos ("finding new and different ways to look old"). As for Hillary Clinton being perceived as a bitch, Tina may have had a point when she rebuffed that by saying, "Bitches get stuff done!"

I hope that EJ saw the Celebrity Apprentice spoof, which had mutations like Celebrity Apprentice: Special Victims Unit (with Mary Jo Buttafucco and John Mark Karr, plus his fave, Gene Simmons, as a judge in a task that required them to make a porno). Also, at the goodnights, Tina brought out Don Pardo, the longtime NBC announcer, who started at the network in 1944 and just turned 90-years-old! Honestly, he looks about 75 to me.

My very favorite part, though, was this, from Tina's monologue, where she addressed the strike (yes, I am rewound and paused the DVR multiple times to get this all down. Leave me alone.) "We were able to raise the rate of writers' compensation for ad supported electronic sell thru downloads from a flat rate of $600 for 26 weeks, per 100,000 downloads, to a percentage of .036% of a distributor's gross of any ad revenue generated by said streaming after an initial window of 17 days, starting in 3 years. So, yeah!" TV is back!


gigglechick said...

in honor of the SNL bit, i have created some "bitch is the new black" and "bitches get stuff done" gear.

arfboy65 said...

If that's all the writers where on strike for...what the f$@k?!?

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