It's Oscar Weekend

Though I have seen a grand total of one of the Best Picture nominees, I am still rather excited for tonight's big event. It might be the live blogging, I don't know. Apparently, so is Lisa Rinna, who works the Red Carpet for E! Yesterday, perusing my latest People magazine, I was made privy to her pre-awards regimen, and it is kind of a scary comment on how obsessed one can be with one's looks. She gets Botox every three weeks, some other dermatological peel of some sort, admits to taking Dexatrim (What is this, 1987? Oh, it's the "all natural green tea formula", whatev!) and even has a hysterical picture in the mag where she's trying to look all windblown while "running" with light weights. (Not that I doubt she exercises, girlfriend is ripped.)

The day of the show, she eats a banana and Red Bull for breakfast and her lunch consists of a "half an omlette" (can't you just make a smaller omlette?) and turkey bacon. The funniest thing in this article is where she insists her lips are natural. I can't believe she thinks anyone would believe that, considering she looks like that singing Bass that was all the rage not too long ago. Up on the right is some photographic evidence to disprove her statement.

Last night was the return of Saturday Night Live after the lengthy strike-imposed hiatus. My girl Tina Fey hosted, and she did a great job, especially in the Rock of Love sketch, the commercial for Annuale (the pill that creates annual periods, and which implores you that when you do get your period you better "hold on to your f'in hat!") the game show "What's that Bitch Talkin' About?" (where the grand prize was a '92 Canary Yellow Mazda Protege) and in her guest stint on Weekend Update. She had great one-liners about Kirstie Alley swearing she's kept her weight off ("She knows we can see her, right?") and Lindsay Lohan's nude photos ("finding new and different ways to look old"). As for Hillary Clinton being perceived as a bitch, Tina may have had a point when she rebuffed that by saying, "Bitches get stuff done!"

I hope that EJ saw the Celebrity Apprentice spoof, which had mutations like Celebrity Apprentice: Special Victims Unit (with Mary Jo Buttafucco and John Mark Karr, plus his fave, Gene Simmons, as a judge in a task that required them to make a porno). Also, at the goodnights, Tina brought out Don Pardo, the longtime NBC announcer, who started at the network in 1944 and just turned 90-years-old! Honestly, he looks about 75 to me.

My very favorite part, though, was this, from Tina's monologue, where she addressed the strike (yes, I am rewound and paused the DVR multiple times to get this all down. Leave me alone.) "We were able to raise the rate of writers' compensation for ad supported electronic sell thru downloads from a flat rate of $600 for 26 weeks, per 100,000 downloads, to a percentage of .036% of a distributor's gross of any ad revenue generated by said streaming after an initial window of 17 days, starting in 3 years. So, yeah!" TV is back!

Good News

I read this today at tvguide.com and just wanted to share:


Question: Just 50 days until new 30 Rock episodes! Spoilers, please! — Joel

Ausiello: Jack Donaghy's dream of creating a TV show that strands a bunch of middle-aged whores-for-hire on a deserted island is about to become a reality. Rock is casting a slew of attractive females in their late thirties to early fifties to serve as contestants on the fictitious "MILF Island". The twist? The male contestants courting the hot mamas on the show-within-a-show are described as being "of eighth-grade age." Yep, 30 Rock's back, folks. Rejoice!

I can hardly wait! And you know, we don't have too wait much longer than two days for a heapin' helpin of Tina Fey! She'll be back at the old stomping grounds, hosting SNL this weekend! Too many exclamation points? Never!

Can you believe the Oscars are this weekend? We are planning to live blog it over at spunkybean, so come check us out!

Sunday Morning Musings

OK, so technically, it's Sunday afternoon, but these musings have been in my head all morning. It just took me a bit to make it to the computer.

First of all, congrats to my spunkybean colleague, EJ, on his first "blogiversary". Why doesn't Hallmark make a card for such a momentous occasion? It's nice to get something other than bills in the mail, ya know? I think I'm gonna make a call. Anyway, good job EJ! We often joke that we share a brain on all things pop culture, but one area in which he has me beat hands down is Lost. If you're like me, and often find yourself fascinated but totally confused, look no further than EJ's recaps of each episode on the 'bean. He's super-insightful and also obsessed, which only benefits his readers.



Onto Survivor, where the "Fans vs Favorites" edition recently kicked off with the first tribal council vote-off (or "quit", if you ask Probst) of Jon Dalton, whose stupid nickname I will not repeat. Good riddance. This week, more time was spent with the "Fans" as the show attempted to introduce these ten people. As usual, it's going to take a while to get really exciting. I mean, the poor girl who got kicked off, Mary, had made no impression beyond the way she filled out a bikini. But, she was apparently alligned with the guy--Mikey B (ew, stop that)--who had big plans to run the show, only to be stopped by Joel, who is very large and hulking. Meanwhile, the goofy 40-something lady who still wears pigtails and looks a little like Ruth Buzzi is still there. (I know, I know, she had an immunity idol--it's gone now, as she soon will be). Also, Ozzy, sweetie? Word of advice. If you want to keep Amanda around for some more jungle lovin', best not to try to unhinge your jaw and swallow her whole, OK? Just relax.


Celebrity Apprentice drags along as well. I was sucked in early, and thus cannot escape its grasp. This week, Omarosa came full circle and was back in megabitch mode, calling Piers Morgan nasty names, bringing up his personal life and family in the context of a game show where money is being raised for charity, all in an effort to get him fired. Can we stop indulging this woman already and banish her from TV? Also, Stephen Baldwin called upon the cutest Baldwin, Billy, to help his cause this week. (For those keeping score, Alec is by far the most awesome Baldwin, but Billy's very pretty.) I totally saw Billy having drinks at bar at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills with Chazz Palminteri last August. Of course, no one I was with knew that's who he was having drinks with. (This is why you people call me at all hours of the day and night. Because I know this stuff!) So, who's Stephen going to trot out next? His sister-in-law Chynna Phillips? Maybe she can get that big Wilson Phillips reunion together. You know you want it. If you want some more laughs, EJ has the task of recapping this as well.

American Idol is kickin' into high gear at long last, with the announcement of their Top 24 this past week. A lot of these kids sound pretty good, but there are also many we've never seen before, which drives me buggy. Don has gone into painstaking detail on all of this, and I have a feeling he may even talk to someone who made the Top 50, but got no screentime, in the very near future. It'll all be at--you guessed it--spunkybean.com!

Project Runway is wrapping up, and they eliminated Sweet P this week, which was to be expected. She was a nice lady and made some nice stuff, but doesn't have all the tools to do an entire line. I agree that Christian and Jillian do, as long as the latter gives herself enough time to complete things. And that leaves Rami and Chris to have a "Three Look-Off" for the last spot at Bryant Park. Sounds like something out of West Side Story. You know the producers were snickering when they let Rami loose in the Greek and Roman room on the Metropolitan Museum of Art to get his inspiration for the last challenge. Like he even cared about the other two rooms he had to choose from. Giving Rami to choice to drape or not to drape is like giving Amy Winehouse the choice to smoke crack or not. The answer is obvious. I still think he'll end up beating Chris for the spot.

Lastly, if you're into Big Brother at all, I'm your girl. This special winter season started out of the gate quickly with the "couples" twist, meaning that the houseguests play in teams of two, including being voted off that way. Precious few of these people are very bright or very mature (I actually watched a little of Big Brother After Dark last night, and it was one of the most vapid things I've ever seen. But I watched it for about a half hour anyway.) and the crazy factor is way high. You have at least a month until anything new comes back, so please, join me!

Runway Update

We are finally getting down to the nitty gritty on Project Runway. I think I read (and must still confirm) that the finale airs on my birthday, 3/5. (When I will turn 35. Funny!) This past week, the six remaining designers had to make costumes for the WWE Divas, a challenge that was Chris' to lose. We saw more of Rami draping, and more of Ricky crying, so it was just another day in the workroom, really.

The highlight was Sweet P, Chris and Christian (who is about one hundred times more likeable when he's happy) sewing and discussing what their wrestling names (completely different from porn names, I guess) and signature move would be. Sweet P would be "Spread Eagle" and her move would be "The Thighs"; Chris would be "Wonderwoman", who would smother men with her large breasts; and Christian would be "Feroctia Coutura" and he'd spray girls in the eyes with hairspray. It was all rather cute and endearing.

Then the skanky-looking WWE Divas walked the runway, and the oddball Heatherette designers were guest judges. Christian did a getup of black leather and lace that included chaps; Jillian designed a Sporty Spice-esque electric blue deal; Ricky made an orange bathing suit; Rami did some hot pink confection that would never work in a wrestling ring; Sweet P copped out with a silver bra and short combo with a flowing robe; while Chris won the day by kickin' out a leopard print top with criss-cross straps and sequined black shorts that he said were all meant to embody a "caged animal".

And, at last, Ricky and his stupid engineer hat were gone! At this point, though I like her personally, the only one I think can't hang is Sweet P. Should be interesting to see who makes it to Bryant Park.

More thought on some of my other favorite reality shows soon. Thanks for reading!

YAHOO!

Well, it would seem our long, national nightmare is nearing an end! WGA bigwigs approved of the deal worked out by the guild and the producers. Now, it's really just a matter of voters ratifying the deal with a vote on Tuesday. Showrunners are heading back to work tomorrow, so my guess is that the vote is a foregone conclusion and scribes will be back on Wednesday!

If you're interested in a show-by-show breakdown of when your faves will likely return and in what quantity, click here.

A Very Special Episode of Family Ties

On Thursday, the cast of one of the greatest family sitcoms ever sat down with Matt Lauer to help their creator, Gary David Goldberg, plug his new memoir, Sit, Ubu, Sit. I have to admit, I got a little choked up at seeing Steven, Elyse, Mallory, Alex and Jennifer reunited (Skippy and Nick were missed. Little Andy? Not so much) for, according to Michael Gross, the first time in 18 years! As a longtime fan (like many of you girls, the man's face was all over my walls at one point), it's not really easy to watch Michael J. Fox battle Parkinson's Disease, but I certainly admire him. If you are interested, his book is really good.

It was interesting that at one point Matt asked if any of them thought the show could be on the air today, and no one really thought so. I've said as much myself. We've gotten to the point where broadcasters air mostly adult sitcoms, while leaving anything even remotely family-oriented to the likes of Disney and Nickelodeon, who have to make the shows so squeaky clean that they wouldn't dare deal with issues of molestation, teenage drinking or drug abuse as shows like Family Ties, Growing Pains, Facts of Life and Different Strokes did. These shows were meant to create dialogue between parents and kids about these touchy subjects, and though we may laugh now, I'm guessing they helped more that a few families talk about some tough stuff back in the day.

Anyway, they all look great, and it was nice, long interview, so I thought I'd share it here. They did another segment with Al where they took some e-mail questions, which is also on the Today site, so look for it. I'll be back with some Project Runway thoughts, among other things, soon. In the meantime...Sha-la-la-la....

Whoa, Mama

It's been another strange and busy week. Sick kids, sick husband, lots of deadlines at work, snowstorms and freezing temperatures. And that lovely combination of elements brings me to my topic today. A few days ago, I had the distinct pleasure of taking my one-year-old to the pediatrician. He had just woken up in time for us to make the appointment, so I took him in his pjs. Another mother came in moments later with her little boy, also clad in a sleeper. We smiled politely.

My son was perched in my lap, not quite sure about this other kid. "How old is he?" asked the other mom. "Oh, um, about 17 months", I said, "How old is your little boy?"

"Gabey will be 27 months on Saturday!" she said. I forced a smile. Give it up woman, your kid is TWO. I had to spend another twenty minutes in the waiting room with them, and Max just watched as little Gabey played with the toys, his mother practically jumping off the bench every time he uttered a word in anything that resembled English. "Oh, Gabey, you said car! Car! Mama's so proud! Mama loves you! I love you so much!" I smiled to myself, since my 17-month-old had superior language skills to someone almost a year older. That's right, I'm raising a genius.

And then, I heard this, which I found rather disturbing, "Is that your tongue? Come here! Come here and let Mama kiss that tongue!" WHAT?! It was at that point that the nurse called us back and I thanked God.