Rock N Roll Heaven

It's been a while and I could talk about a bunch of different things, but I don't want to keep you too long. First of all, I was sad to hear Jeff Healey died today. He was the blind guitarist who had his biggest hit song in the late 80s with a tune called "Angel Eyes". He was only 41-years-old and died of cancer. Major bummer. But, on the other end of the spectrum, I may be late to the party, but I just found out about Hard Rock Park, a rock n' roll theme park set to open on June 2, 2008! Dude! I have four words for you: Led Zepplin: The Ride. Sweet! There's also a suspended roller coaster called Slippery When Wet. Bitchin'! I feel like grabbing a can of Aquanet and some ripped jeans and road trippin' down to Myrtle Beach, SC, for the grand opening, where The Eagles and The Moody Blues will do the honors.

I hope by now you've all caught the SNL version of the democratic debate, but in case you haven't, check out a clip of it here, along with the real Hillary and her doppleganger, Amy Poehler. Hilarious.





And, let the Juno backlash begin! Andy Samberg was dressed in drag, as Diablo Cody at the Oscars, during Ellen Page's monologue. I haven't been able to find it online, but it was pretty damn funny. Ellen made a solid effort, but she didn't really get a lot to do. I felt a little bad for her in the "Virginiaca" sketch, as I think it's hard to top Justin Timberlake and Scarlett Johanson's turns as the rich white stepdaughters of a large black woman.

Oh, just a couple quick thoughts on Project Runway: I was a little squicked out by Chris' use of human hair as fringe in his collection, and though I enjoyed his personality, I think Rami was the clear choice to join Christian and Jillian at Fashion Week. I'm excited to be baffled and amazed by what they all send down the runway in the finale!

Sunday Morning Musings

OK, so technically, it's Sunday afternoon, but these musings have been in my head all morning. It just took me a bit to make it to the computer.

First of all, congrats to my spunkybean colleague, EJ, on his first "blogiversary". Why doesn't Hallmark make a card for such a momentous occasion? It's nice to get something other than bills in the mail, ya know? I think I'm gonna make a call. Anyway, good job EJ! We often joke that we share a brain on all things pop culture, but one area in which he has me beat hands down is Lost. If you're like me, and often find yourself fascinated but totally confused, look no further than EJ's recaps of each episode on the 'bean. He's super-insightful and also obsessed, which only benefits his readers.



Onto Survivor, where the "Fans vs Favorites" edition recently kicked off with the first tribal council vote-off (or "quit", if you ask Probst) of Jon Dalton, whose stupid nickname I will not repeat. Good riddance. This week, more time was spent with the "Fans" as the show attempted to introduce these ten people. As usual, it's going to take a while to get really exciting. I mean, the poor girl who got kicked off, Mary, had made no impression beyond the way she filled out a bikini. But, she was apparently alligned with the guy--Mikey B (ew, stop that)--who had big plans to run the show, only to be stopped by Joel, who is very large and hulking. Meanwhile, the goofy 40-something lady who still wears pigtails and looks a little like Ruth Buzzi is still there. (I know, I know, she had an immunity idol--it's gone now, as she soon will be). Also, Ozzy, sweetie? Word of advice. If you want to keep Amanda around for some more jungle lovin', best not to try to unhinge your jaw and swallow her whole, OK? Just relax.


Celebrity Apprentice drags along as well. I was sucked in early, and thus cannot escape its grasp. This week, Omarosa came full circle and was back in megabitch mode, calling Piers Morgan nasty names, bringing up his personal life and family in the context of a game show where money is being raised for charity, all in an effort to get him fired. Can we stop indulging this woman already and banish her from TV? Also, Stephen Baldwin called upon the cutest Baldwin, Billy, to help his cause this week. (For those keeping score, Alec is by far the most awesome Baldwin, but Billy's very pretty.) I totally saw Billy having drinks at bar at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills with Chazz Palminteri last August. Of course, no one I was with knew that's who he was having drinks with. (This is why you people call me at all hours of the day and night. Because I know this stuff!) So, who's Stephen going to trot out next? His sister-in-law Chynna Phillips? Maybe she can get that big Wilson Phillips reunion together. You know you want it. If you want some more laughs, EJ has the task of recapping this as well.

American Idol is kickin' into high gear at long last, with the announcement of their Top 24 this past week. A lot of these kids sound pretty good, but there are also many we've never seen before, which drives me buggy. Don has gone into painstaking detail on all of this, and I have a feeling he may even talk to someone who made the Top 50, but got no screentime, in the very near future. It'll all be at--you guessed it--spunkybean.com!

Project Runway is wrapping up, and they eliminated Sweet P this week, which was to be expected. She was a nice lady and made some nice stuff, but doesn't have all the tools to do an entire line. I agree that Christian and Jillian do, as long as the latter gives herself enough time to complete things. And that leaves Rami and Chris to have a "Three Look-Off" for the last spot at Bryant Park. Sounds like something out of West Side Story. You know the producers were snickering when they let Rami loose in the Greek and Roman room on the Metropolitan Museum of Art to get his inspiration for the last challenge. Like he even cared about the other two rooms he had to choose from. Giving Rami to choice to drape or not to drape is like giving Amy Winehouse the choice to smoke crack or not. The answer is obvious. I still think he'll end up beating Chris for the spot.

Lastly, if you're into Big Brother at all, I'm your girl. This special winter season started out of the gate quickly with the "couples" twist, meaning that the houseguests play in teams of two, including being voted off that way. Precious few of these people are very bright or very mature (I actually watched a little of Big Brother After Dark last night, and it was one of the most vapid things I've ever seen. But I watched it for about a half hour anyway.) and the crazy factor is way high. You have at least a month until anything new comes back, so please, join me!

It's Been Crazy!

So sorry to any of you've who have checked the blog in the past few days for the dearth of new content. I was busy over at spunkybean, live blogging the 14th Annual SAG Awards (check out the transcript here), which was a rousing success. We're going to try it again for some other big events, so please check the site for details. I'll be sure to remind you here as well. The site is getting more traffic than ever before, and we're excited to unveil a new, more user-friendly look very soon. I promise you'll love it!

In the meantime, Project Runway plods along. Is it me, or is this season taking kind of a long time? This past week, the designers were sponsored by Levis...challenged to make an "iconic look" using only denim. Even though Christian's motorcross jean was very creative (but made only for supermodels, trust me), Rami got crazy with some zippers as seams and Sweet P made a super-slimming, patchwork denim strapless dress...annoying, possibly bi-polar Ricky won with a (snooze) boring cocktail dress. The only thing I liked about it was that he used a buttonfly up the front of the dress. And then he broke down on the runway when he won. Heidi was annoyed: "What's up with you?" I just shook my head. Oh hey--did you know Ricky designs lingerie? Me neither!

Poor Jillian, who has yet to learn a damn thing about time management, bit off way more than she could chew with an overly complicated coat design that left the judges underwhelmed. But it was humorless Victorya, whom Jillian felt was a copycat, who fell asleep at the wheel and crashed the denim truck. Her coat was probably something I could make if given a few quick pointers, and I can barely sew a button, as I may have mentioned before. She was aufed.

And my Christian love was short-lived, as it seems he annoys his fellow designers with his raging immaturity. Nevertheless, I think we'll be stuck with him until the bitter end.


The best part of the episode? Tim Gunn rocking a blue blazer and jeans. I know he plays for the other team and he's way too old for me, but what a silver fox!

Team Mellow & Team Fierce

I always say I don't really care who wins The Amazing Race, but, invariably, I find myself either pouting or jumping up and down with glee as the winning team hits the mat. Tonight, I was thrilled that TK and Rachel came away with the win. It seemed like Ron and Chris had the thing sown up, and TK looked like he was about to jump out of his skin in that last cab, but ultimately, Rachel's resolve to stay calm paid off. I really, really have to remember that and apply it to my own life. I mean, how funny was it when Chris was standing at that last roadblock, mumbling, "The freakin' chicken was in freakin' Burkina Faso, then the freakin' Netherlands..." It was the most animated that girl was on the whole race.

I will begrudgingly give her dad kudos for his improved behavior toward his daughter, but on the mat did he actually say that "for once, I finally mean it when I say I love you"? I mean, I didn't rewind the DVR, so maybe I'm misquoting, but that's just piss poor, even if my quote is just a little right. Gee thanks, DAD. This poor girl has clearly struggled for this man's approval quite literally her entire life, and that's just crazy. Good luck to them.

And Nick and Don? Well, once they started out the leg by leaving the bag of supplies at the store, I had a feeling they were doomed. I had to chuckle though, every time they'd get to another destination and Don would bellow, "Come on, Nick!", as he was so clearly exasperated with his grandson for misreading the clue. And he didn't mince words, as is the usual with my little Rudy 2.0. I believe he's what they called "colorful" back in the day. They finished a distant third, but they were proud just to complete the race, and I can't say I blame them.

And, then there was my favorite part of each Race finale...all the other teams, many long since forgotten by yours truly, standing at the finish line to welcome the winners and runners-up. Hi, annoying best friends out first! Howdy, lesbian ministers! What's up, Azaria and Hendekea, hope you're not still bitter! Oh, and there's Kent and Vixen, she with her long pink hair blowing in the Alaskan breeze, while he practices his fey little waving and clapping from side to side as TK and Rachel arrive. Oh, Vixen, wake up and smell the pancake makeup already!



OK, fine, Project Runway, ya got me. I don't completely hate Christian anymore. He's annoying and has a massive sense of entitlement, but he is, after all, 21-years-old. Bottom line, the kid has some talent and is very proficient at both design and garment construction. It would seem a foregone conclusion that he and his "ferosh" (short for "ferocious") persona will be showing at Bryant Park.

This was a stressful episode of PR, as the eight remaining designers would have to team up once again, this time to design an avant garde piece based on the outrageous hairstyles the models displayed at the start of the challenge.

We saw a pretty big diva come out in Rami, as he was just crappy to his teammate Sweet P. It was to the point where she reported that he was "letting her do" the second half of the challenge, which was to design a ready-to-wear counterpart to their original concept. Thanks, King Rami. In the end, she got her revenge...her piece, a gunmetal gray, off-the-shoulder dress, was much more warmly received by the judges than Rami's umpteenth exercise in draping.

Kit & Ricky designed a hoop skirt with an apron...which kind of looked like something Sofia Coppola turned down for Marie Antoinette. And the ready-to-wear dress that Ricky made was super-cheap looking.

The there was Team Stressball, aka Jillian and Victorya. These two women are both such perfectionists, it's painful to watch them race to meet a deadline. They pulled off a dazzling look, which consisted of a stunning trenchcoat with a ruffled bottom half, over a gorgeous blouse and pant combo. They also made a bit of a throwaway ready-to-wear dress, but it at least coordinated with the avant garde look, unlike the two bottom teams.

But you had to hand it to Chris & Christian, who designed a humdinger of a silk organza gown, which can only be compared to a layer cake. It was complemented by the ready-to-wear outfit, which was a ruffled, sleeveless blouse and pencil skirt. They really won by a mile.

Even though the judges seemed disappointed in Rami, they allowed Ricky, who has never wowed them, skate through AGAIN, while Kit got tossed for her design coupled with bad direction as team leader. And just when I was getting to really like her, too. Well, in the words of Tim Gunn, carry on!

50th Post!!

Hard to believe I've hit 50 posts?  Not really, since I've just taken my incessant babbling about stuff and put it into blog form.  So, now, I talk too much and write too much...is this really good for anyone?  No matter, you can't stop me! (bwahhahaha!)

Well, this'll be sort of a catch-all entry, as I'd like to give you (whoever the hell you are) my thoughts on Celebrity Apprentice, Project Runway and a couple other random items that have crossed my path in the last couple days.

Celebrity Apprentice--It's hard to believe that one screen can contain all the combined assiness of Gene Simmons and Donald Trump (not to mention Stephen Baldwin and Piers Morgan), but maybe it's the hi-def equipment or something. These two suck hardcore, yet they could buy and sell me several times over, which hardly seems fair. It appears that Gene is even more of a male chauvanist than The Donald, a man who once intimated on The View that his daughter was so attractive that he would date her, if only she wasn't his daughter.  Gene stirred controversy this week by being quite rude to Ivanka and her giant rack when she came to check Team Hydra's progress on the Pedigree commercial task.  Gene basically ignored her saying, "She'll wait", and then flat-out asking if, since she was the "female of the species" (for whom he obviously has an unhealthy level of contempt) she was going to run back to the women and share their plans.  I had to side with Ivanka in being appalled.  She brought it up later in the boardroom, and DT was mock-pissed at Gene for "insulting" his daughter, until Gene deigned to remove his shades and issue the most insincere apology ever.  Omarosa used the whole incident to suck up to the Trumps, which surprised exactly no one.  And she hit on Lennox Lewis, who's married, right in front of all the other Apprenti and several viewers.  Keep it in your pants, O.

In the end, the men made a professional enough looking spot, perhaps more in spite of than due to director Stephen Baldwin's "20 years in film", while the women gave really sad, yet amazingly lame sob stories to dogs through voiceover and failed to actually use any of their celebrity on the task, again, which seems to be the overriding theme here.  I also decided it's kind of hard to look at Nely Galan and her fishlips.  I must admit I nodded off at some point, and missed how Nadia Comaneci managed to blow running the craft service table so badly that she got fired.  Donald was disappointed that, despite all her Olympic gold (ya know, over 30 years ago) that she was unable to lead the team.  Last time I checked, getting a perfect 10 on the uneven parallel bars doesn't really require you to lead anyone, per se.  So, if you can depend on anything in this world, it's that the reasons that Donald Trump fires anyone on The Apprentice will continue to have nothing to do with anything relevant.  

Project Runway--This week, the remaining designers were required to design a prom dress for a group of Catholic schoolgirls, who selected them based on their portfolios, rather than the other way around.  Most of the designers were at least moderately horrified at having to design dresses for such a cliche event as prom (while we were treated to pictures of several of them at their proms), and at having to take orders from teenage girls to boot.  None was more devastated than Christian, who, of course, hates the whole concept of prom (shocking, I know!) but also got the most outspoken model; one who literally grabbed the pencil and sketchpad from him and seemed keenly aware that she was going to be on a reality show.  She also had the tackiest design in mind, and I though Christian's head might pop right off as he put together the brown and black monstrosity with a pouffy skirt, beading and lace applique.  

Ultimately, the only dresses the judges really liked belonged to Sweet P, who should have won for her long, glamourous silk gown; and Victorya, who actually did win for this blue halter dress with jewels on the neckline that I wasn't really feeling. Chris did an excellent job (while also reminding the two eventual top finishers, who have been cellar dwellers often, that he actually has been auffed, so quit yer bitchin'!)  as did Kit, who has definitely become one of my favorites.  

I understood the criticism Rami received for creating something a little too old-looking for a teen girl, but he was immune, so why bother, really?  What I didn't get was why Ricky was given a pass yet again, when he consistently scores low, in order to get rid of Kevin for his cheap-looking design this time around, when many of his past designs have been in the top tier. I felt like Kev just didn't care anymore, as evidenced by his choice not to finish the hem of the dress when he had the time to do so.  I thought they should've sent Ricky packing based on his less-than-stellar body of work, which, along with his outspoken persona, is the reason they kept Christian around.  I know I'm not the only one who is sick to death of watching Ricky come thisclose to slitting his wrists in every interview.  Oh well, maybe next week! 

In other disturbing news, I read in Media Week that A&E is renewing the "non-scripted" The Two Coreys for a second season, presumably in the summer of 2008, for 10 more painful episodes. Lord knows, back in 1986, when Haim was endearing himself to girls like myself in Lucas, you could never have convinced me that Feldman, i.e. the lesser Corey, would at least appear to be the more successful, well-adjusted Corey in the 21st century. Haim has somehow survived his history of drug and alcohol addiction (not to mention a stroke) to still be here, but he's had a once promising acting career reduced to this piece of crap "reality"show that's truly unwatchable, even to its target audience.  So sad. 

In case you hadn't heard, NBC is airing the last two episodes of Chuck that are in the can until the strike ends on Jan. 24, sandwiched around the aforementioned Celebrity Apprentice.  I'm not sure I get why they don't run one each week for two weeks. Do they expire or something?

It was the Best of Reality, It was the Worst of Reality...

Tonight was a double-header of reality shows for yours truly, as I felt compelled to check out the supremely annoying combo of Trump and Omarosa (or as Big Pussy called her, "Ponderosa") on Celebrity Apprentice as well as catch up on last night's delicious episode of Project Runway.

Let's get "Reality Star" Omarosa and that renaissance man (actor, author and entrepreneur, according to DT) Stephen Baldwin out of the way first. Even though I was familiar with a majority of these people, at least by name (EJ's got the whole list and some details here), I didn't consider many of them to be in the category of, as DT put it, "the world's most successful celebrities!" Really, Will Smith is going to be on this show? HE'S a successful celebrity. Which is why he's very, very busy and has no time to sell flippin' hot dogs on a street corner in NYC. Or should I say, stand around and pose for pictures while Gene Simmons calls his minions to bring money to him. That man terrifies me. Is that a piece on his head, or what?

Only slight less terrifying was Jenna Jameson, who showed up to support her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz (if you say so!) I'm not saying I've ever seen her work (OK, so what if I am?) but she just looks rough these days. I'm not sure whether to applaud or scold the show for not doing a long, loving close up of Jenna deep throating a hot dog. Too obvious?

To her credit, Marilu Henner, whom I've never had a problem with even though I think she's a little ditzy, seems above all of this. Omarosa, on the other hand, is the resident pro in the format and excels at making it All About Her. I fear she may be around for a long, long time. And, as I have seen many others saying as I checked my favorite message boards before writing this, if the show continues to be straight moneymaking tasks and therefore consists of Gene Simmons making phone calls to win tasks, it will get old...wait for it...now.

Poor Tiffany the Playmate. She may get naked for a living, but she seems like a very sweet, bright girl. She was lunch for Omarosa. She got fired for "underselling", which was a stupid way of saying she should've just taken all her clothes off, since Omarosa said that's her "brand". I think this is completely ludicrous, especially considering I don't even think Nadia Comaneci was at the hot dog cart, was she? I didn't hear her speak once! I know she's short, but come on. I'll come back next week, mostly in the hopes that the Alec Baldwin appearance teased in the opening comes to fruition sooner than later.

On the other end of the spectrum, Project Runway was back with a challenge that took the designers on a field trip to the Hershey store in Times Square, a place I've actually been! It's a gaudy, commercially crass hellhole, but, hey, they have candy! And candy shaped pillows! The designers had five minutes to grab all the crap they could (it was like Supermarket Sweep!) to use as material for their design.

As they were working on their wearable confections, we were brought in on the fact that Elisa was mowed down on the streets of London by a Porsche a few years back and nearly died--well, at least she was in a coma for five days. Suddenly, she has the big sympathy edit, so I'm sure she's around for the long haul, even if she sends her model down the runway in a slip, holding a Twizzler.

Then , after a stressful design segment and some awfully extensive makeup porn in the L'Oreal Makeup Room, we got down to business. Almost everyone came up with something kinda cool and interesting, mostly using fabric from the aforementioned pillows and lotsa wrappers. Christian made a dress completely from the Reeses' inside brown wrappers, continuing to annoy me with his ego while also making me want to sprint to CVS and get a bag to devour myself. Rami used the widest variety of wrappers and other junk to make something that was impeccably constructed, fitted and detailed. I think Zac Posen has a crush...or maybe vice versa. I know I wish Zac would come on the show more and more. He's cute, funny and gives actual valuable critiques.

For once, Chris did some editing of his design and made a sharp, simple dress that impressed the judges. You could tell they had a hard time choosing between Jillian, who at one point looked doomed, and Rami, who ended up the winner. Jillian really pulled off something unique with a bustier and fluttery skirt made almost entirely out of Twizzlers. And it was scented!

Elisa, Sweet P and Victorya were all pretty much dull. Victorya apparently got by on her past work, because this one was terrible. When it was down to Sweet P and Elisa, I was sure Elisa would make it (see above) but I guess Sweet P got points for scrapping one design and coming up with a replacement in time, lame as it was. In the end, I guess Elisa was more "eccentric" than "crazy", but I still won't particularly miss her.

This & That

I have a confession to make, and I think it may intrigue my husband and the large number of male admirers I have around the globe.  I'm in love with a woman.  And her name is Diablo Cody.

She is my new idol; a woman who quit her job at an ad agency, became a stripper for a year, primarily to get material, and created a blog about it.  Said blog was "discovered" by some agent in L.A. and, after she realized he was for real and actually responded to his emails, led to her being the new "it" girl in screenwriting circles.  I haven't even seen Juno yet, but I love it already.  And, then, I open my mail today and find my new copy of Entertainment Weekly.  Guess who their new columnist is?  Uh-huh, it's my girl Diablo!

Then, I get to the column itself, and she is writing about her publicity tour for Juno, comparing and contrasting it to being on a rock & roll tour bus, a la one of my all-time favorite films, Almost Famous!  I almost peed my pants!  It's like she's talking directly to me!  And she's so sharp and funny...oh, diary, I love her.  And I kind of want to be her.  I assume a restraining order is forthcoming.  

So, due to my unrelenting work schedule and other obligations this week, I have again been remiss in posting my Project Runway thoughts.  This past week's episode was notable for the loss of Jack from the competition due to a crazy staph infection that he had to treat aggressively, and the return of Chris March; sweet, lovely Chris who is so endearing personally, but designs everything as if he's working on the sequel to Priscilla: Queen of the Desert.

The challenge was to design for some "real" women (you know, the ones who don't look like clothes hangars) who'd recently lost a great deal of weight, using their favorite old outfits as the material.  This added something to the challenge, in that many of the fat clothes were made in terribly cheap fabrics.  Hell, Jillian didn't even use the original fabric, just some of it in the piping on her dress.  She is consistently good, though.  I really like her stuff.  

And, to prove I'm definitely not a fashion maven, the first time I actually like one of Christian's designs is when it's deemed (horrors!) "commercial".  I guess I'll never truly be hip.  More's the pity.  Kevin's model's love of her bustier and crop pants ensemble really sold the judges, but I suppose Christian was due for a win.  I must begrudgingly admit the guy is pretty good, even though I don't always "get it".

You kind of knew Steven was doomed from the second he got the wedding gown.  Not only did he have a fabric that was not very accessible, especially given time constraints, he clearly had a bit of a whack-job for a client if her favorite item of clothing to be repurposed for everyday wear was her plus-size wedding gown.  I know, I sound insensitive, but that's how I feel.  It seemed unlikely that Chris would be eliminated twice in a row, even though he made an outfit so costume-y that Michael Kors said it reminded him of what Shirley McClaine wore to play a "hooker with a heart of gold" (really, is there any other kind?)  And, Elisa didn't really execute well as far as the overall challenge, but her piece wasn't horrible.  Steve's was just badly made and boring, a deadly combination for this show.

I guess I have to watch this Clash of the Choirs thing, at least a little bit.  It's not like there's anything else on this week.  All I saw tonight was Patti Labelle's choir performing at the end of the first episode, and I almost converted on the spot.  (Don't worry, Mom!  Just kidding!)  I'm guessing either Blake Shelton or Michael Bolton (and his chest hair) will be the first to go.  

But, hey, looks like Jay & Conan are coming back live on January 2nd!  I'm not sure whether this will be a good thing, at least as far as Jay goes.  I think it's been a crazy long time since the man's worked without a script.  I have a feeling Conan, however, will rise to the occasion.  At least it's some kind of pop culture cannon fodder to look forward to after the New Year!  

See y'all later!

"It's Gonna Be Way Ghetto!"

I don't know that I've ever heard the words above uttered on Project Runway before, but there they were. And our very buff friend Jack was right. This runway show was about the sloppiest this show's ever seen, at least to my very untrained eye.

The reason was that this challenge was even more difficult than making clothing for normal size people, as they had to do last season (Oh, Jeffery and Angela's mother, how I don't miss you!) This time around, in a first for the show, the designers had to make camera-ready menswear for one Tiki Barber, former New York Giants running back, current Today Show contributor, and his freakishly large neck and big butt. Exactly one person knew who Tiki was...any guesses? Of course, it was straight Kevin and his weird triangular facial hair. Seriously, he looks like Joey Fatone just ate Chris Kirkpatrick or something. What is the deal? But I digress. Steven has his "gay guys don't like football" quip all ready, "All I know is that football is the one time on TV where spandex is acceptable." (btw, my cousin told me she met him at a party, and he is just that sweet!)

Jack and his remarkable pecs seem to be helping everyone with patterns, which is evidently okay, since, aside from some random grousing about it by Rami, we don't hear anything on the subject later. He also carries Christian into the workroom twice--once in a messenger bag and once on his back. You think I'm kidding. They look like Kanga and Roo in the Hundred Acre Wood. I don't know.

About the only thing we hear from crazy Elisa this week is how shy she is around the hot male models, about which I am a little surprised. I'd think such a free-spirited person would be fine with half-naked men traipsing around the work room, but I may be projecting a bit. She tells us that her boyfriend is the "only male she chooses to touch." Whatever, crazy. This was a freebie and you missed out!

So, we're back to a bazillion outfits on the runway, and you'll all be bored, so let's just hit the highs and lows:

Kit, Kevin and Jack get cited as the best. I really liked Kit's navy fleece jacket (thanks for asking about the fabric, Michael Kors) with a khaki pant and checked shirt. The judges did too, but it was edged out for the win by Jack's dark pin-striped pant with a light colored pin-striped shirt. It was made well enough, but there were too many stripes for me. Kevin's outfit consisted of dark pants and vest with a purple shirt and coordinating pocket square and tie. When Heidi told him he was in, he totally thought he won when he'd basically come in third, which was funny. Hee!

Now, the bad this time was really bad. Like, I could have done better and I can barely sew a button. Sweet P made pants, a tie (her best piece) and a shirt that, as she put it, "looks like it was made by a kindergartener". The thing was huge and the collar was, as the kids might say, jacked-up. She was saved from certain elimination by Ricky's poorly constructed, boring black suit that was held together by safety pins and, worst of all, Carmen's disaster of a cropped (huh?) Members Only looking jacket and pants that were fit for, as Michael put it, "a Boogie Nights star". Oh, also, she ran out of time to make a shirt, so she draped fabric around her poor model's neck and tucked it into the jacket. Zoiks! I felt bad for her, actually. Ricky did save all his tears for the end of the episode, though, when he was spared at Carmen's expense. I can only hope, now that his hair twin is gone, Christian and his annoying pomposity and mad sewing skillz won't be long for this show. Aufwierdersen!

Project Runway Week 2

I was trying to come up with a clever title for this post to indicate that the special celebrity guest on this episode was Sarah Jessica Parker, but this thing's super late, it's been a long weekend and I have other things to do, so there isn't one. SJP and her horse face will be joining us for the night.

Now, you might think, based on that nasty little comment, that I don't like SJP. You would be wrong--I loved her on Square Pegs, I loved her on Sex and the City and I even liked her in films like Miami Rhapsody (featuring a shirtless scene with Jeremy Piven; you can thank me later, girls) and The Family Stone. I even really dig her fashion sense (not so much Carrie Bradshaw's, but hers). It does not take away from the fact that the woman has a long face, much like Mr. Ed. She's still adorable, in her way.

Anyhoo, as you might imagine, most of the designers develop accute cases of the vapors when Ms. Thang shows up at Parsons, as most are either female or gay. (No comment from Kevin that I noted). Chris is almost as excited as Ricky, who is in tears almost immediately, and throughout most of his interviews in the episode. I suspect Ricky tears up at a good text message. He's just a trifle too sensitive. And this is from the girl who has been known to cry at dog food commercials.

This is one of the always amusing and highly stressful team challenges, so I was excited. The designers all had a dossier (it's like they're on Alias!) and 30 minutes to sketch design ideas for SJP's Bitten clothing line's Fall/Winter collection. The best part is since the mantra of this line is fashion should be afforable to everyone and thus, no piece is above $20 retail, they can spend no more than $15 in materials to produce their 2 pieces, which would not exceed $40 retail, dig? They all look horrified. I chuckle. This is primarily due to the fact that I have purchased items from this line, and a couple have certainly not been of the highest quality. I do have one skirt that will make it to next summer and I love my hooded robe...but the nightgown I bought? The strap broke for no apparent reason. Oh yeah...it's cheap.

So, all the designers get to present their ideas to SJP, and of the fourteen, she has to pick seven to be made for the runway. Then, those selected get to pick their partner in an order drawn at random. Most of the pairings were uneventful, save for two.

First, there are Steven and Marion, who are both very quiet, sweet guys. I kept thinking to myself that they are just to sweet for the dog-eat-dog world of fashion (like Kate Hudson in Almost Famous saying, "You're too sweet for rock n' roll". God, I love that movie!!). They are having both fabric issues and time issues, as far as completing the garment. More on that in a sec.

Then there are Elisa and Sweet P. You will recall that Elisa is insane. However, she is not without talent. It is her sketch that got picked of the two, and her idea is for a "polymorphic dress with a cape." Much like my new best gal Sweet P, I am not sure what polymorphic means, but I go along. I do so even when Elisa marks a spot in the fabric where she wants to cut by using spit. Yes, spit. She wants to "imbibe it with energy and essence." Oh, sweet Lord.

Oh yeah, and the hair twins, Christian and Carmen, are a team. And they're lousy with entitlement, as usual.

After getting their models thru the Tresemme hair salon, the Loreal Makeup room and using the bluefly.com accessory wall (I'm sorry, I just love how effortlessly Tim pulls off all of that product placement each week!), it's off to the runway.

Kit & Chris--They did a black top with brown knit capris. And the model has a beret on her head. Boring!

Elisa & Sweet P--The cape and blue "polymorphic" dress (which apparently means it can be worn multiple ways...wait; like Units?) are actually really cool! It's super short (very in) with bell sleeves and kind of a scarf almost wound around the neckline that's built into the dress. I know this is not proper terminology, and EJ is dissapointed. Sorry, man.

Rami & Jillian--A cinched, belted button-down top (almost like a trenchcoat) with a capri pant. Sharp.

Steve & Marion--Oh, dear. It's a sweater dress, which is totally in right now, but the fabric is, as Heidi later points out, growing as we watch. It's a dull brown color and it's got a ton of fringe along the hem with a short, rolled sleeve. It makes me want to sing "Tarzan Boy" by Baltimora. The belt they've thrown around it helps only slightly.

Victorya & Kevin--It's a cool A-line dress, which is key, since this cut flatters almost every woman's figure. It also has pockets! Over the dress is a cute little plaid vest, and there's a bow tie detail on the shoulder.

Hair Twins--An aqua knit turtleneck dress that is so snug the size zero model looks pudgy. It is topped with a black and grey striped (like, racing striped) crewneck zippered jacket. Blecch!

Ricky & Jack--A red dress with a rouched scoop neck which I think is super cute.

Who gets called out? The hair twins--yay! He's amazed to find out he's one of the lowest scores. This little pissant does not take criticism well, unless that's just his schtick, which I'm not entirely sure it isn't. He knows how to get camera time. Victorya and Kevin, which SJP especially likes since it fits in with the rest of the collection-- a key point that I don't think they all really followed, despite what their sketches may have promised, Christian! Marion and Steve (still humming over here...) and Elisa and Sweet P. It comes down to Elisa's design versus Victorya's and it's close, but Vic wins, and her outfit will be sold at Steve & Barry's nationwide as part of the Bitten collection. I'm totally going to check it out this week!

It is between Marion and Christian (who, by the way, my husband totally thought was a girl when he happened to look at the show for five seconds), the designers of the two worst outifts, as to who's leaving. And again, it's between bitchy and boring, so I knew Marion was a goner immediately. Besides, Christian has a hair twin. See ya next week!

And We're Auf! "Project Runway"

So, it's back! One of the best hours of reality on the tube is here to save the TV season from ruin. First, let's meet the contestants:

Rami, 31, is a fairly successful designer, having made a dress Jessica Alba wore to the VMA's one year that, apparently, still gets publicity. If you say so, Rami. He seems pretty normal, though.

Chris, 44, is a costume designer who says he specializes in one-of-a-kind creations, and looks like a chubbier Nathan Lane to me.

Christian, 21, is a freelance designer. Look out--he droppin' names. He reminds me of somebody; I'll figure it out eventually.

Carmen, 37, is a former model, and also a freelance designer. She and Christian have the same hair. From the 80's.

Jillian, 26, is a cute girl (who may be kinda bitchy) and currently works at Ralph Lauren. I bet she totally knows Rachel Green!

Kit "Pistol", 26, is a stylist, who calls her name an alias. She also says "life is too short to wear a bad outfit". But apparently, a stupid alias is fine.

Kevin, 30, is a jeans designer who would very much like you to know is a heterosexual. In case you were wondering. I'm surprised he doesn't immediately start bench pressing something.

Jack, 38, is a very cute activewear designer. We learn nothing more.

Steve, 29, works at the Chicago Museum of Science & Industry and is adorable to me. I want to make him some cocoa.

Simone, 32, is yet another freelance designer. In other news, her eyebrows are planning to eat her face at any moment.

Elisa, 42, is an "accidental" fashion designer. Also? She's batshit crazy.

Marion, 39, is a boutique owner. And, so far, almost mute and kinda creepy to me.

Ricky, 35, is a lingerie designer and an emotional powder keg. He cries in about the first 10 seconds of being on camera.

Sweet P, 46, is--wait for it--a freelance designer and apparently acquired her stupid nickname while she was part of an all-girl motorcycle club. I wonder if they also fought crime?

Vicktorya, 34, is--I know you won't believe this--a freelance designer. She must last a while, because we learn pretty much nothing else about her.

The first challenge required the contestants to create an outfit that expressed who they were as designers. This was our first chance to glimpse the special brand of crazy that Elisa is selling. She immediately took a piece of fabric (from the $50K worth stashed in two tents in Bryant Park), laid it on the grass and began actively working to get it stained, or as she put it, "imbuing it with a natural element". Yeah, that's what my one-year-old said tonight at dinner when he rubbed mac n' cheese in his hair. We were pretty excited.

Since this is already too long, let's skip to the runway show. As usual, I am reminded that I have no idea what "fashion" is all about. I don't care; I just love how Heidi says "Nina Garcia". It sounds like she's growling. As you might expect, Elisa's dress is a nightmare, and her model almost trips and falls on the god-awful fishtail train. Chris, Kevin, Sweet P, Jillian, Marion, Carmen and Kit are all passed along without incident. I will go on record as saying I don't understand Kit's patchwork-y design that juxtaposes two totally different patterns. And Jack made a dress that is a black and white print with blue trim. He's totally the Uli of this season!

Rami and Vicktorya made the coolest, sleekest dresses, while Ricky made, basically, a shiny nightie that almost gets him booted. What we're left with is Simone's sloppy-looking, poorly made dress with a mismatched jacket, Christian's plaid suit thingy that I detest, and Elisa's mess.

Rami wins (I was so relieved!) and--here's where I get lost--the judges actually like Christian's dress, which has shoulder pads and looks like Melanie Griffith may have worn it in "Working Girl", but what do I know? He is very happy with himself. I don't like him at all. It comes down to Simone and Eliza, and, since Elisa is insane, she's the obvious choice to stay. Bye, Simone! Go to the spa and get those brows dyed and shaped, stat!