My Two Cents

So, I watched The Return of Jezebel James--both episodes--and was not really impressed. There's Amy Sherman-Palladino, Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose (plus Dianne Weist as their mom) but it just didn't work. But, wait! The last scene gave me a glimmer of hope and encouraged me to set the DVR for next week. Posey, who was playing so opposite type as a shrill, hyper-organized, overly-girly Sarah that she gave me whiplash, toned down that persona to finally have a normal conversation with Ambrose, playing her sister, in the last minutes of the show, and it actually made me smile.

Lauren Ambrose, who is still playing Claire Fisher at this point, doesn't have a lot do in the first two episodes, except look disheveled and hate Posey. What really bugs me is her name--Coco. This name conjures images of Irene Cara in Fame and Courtney Cox's kid (also, Cocoa Puffs, which are delicious!) but it so doesn't work for this character. I'd like them to tell me in a future outing that this is a name she made up for herself and her real name is something like, I don't know, Karen.

But, look--there's Scott Cohen, aka Max Medina, as Sarah's boyfriend! There's something here, I swear, they just haven't hit the nail on the head yet.

On the contrary, SNL was "on" once again this week! Although I could really do without that Target sketch ever again (and, is it just me, or are Jonah Hill's forearms alarmingly skinny?) I loved the inevitable Elliot Spitzer cold open, the Benihana sketch with Jonah playing a six-year-old as Catskills comedian, the Suze Orman skit (including an answer as to where she gets all her jackets!) and Kristen's awesomely spot-on impression of her, and the Digital Short in which Jonah sat Andy Samberg down to tell him that he was dating his dad, Ben Samberg (played by Jack Handey, of "Deep Thoughts" fame). That make-out session was both disturbing and hilarious. Update saw the return of "Really?! with Seth and Amy", which routinely kills me, and Tracy Morgan doing a sort of belated point-counterpoint to Tina's three-week-old "bitch is the new black" by saying "but Black is the new President!" I just feel like the show is kicking ass right now, and I hope another Christopher Walken hosting gig in a couple weeks can continue the streak. I need more cowbell!!!

See y'all over at the 'bean this week, where I will explain why I love TV, plus breakdown DWTS and Big Brother for you. Read 'em even if you don't watch. I promise you'll enjoy!

Rock N Roll Heaven

It's been a while and I could talk about a bunch of different things, but I don't want to keep you too long. First of all, I was sad to hear Jeff Healey died today. He was the blind guitarist who had his biggest hit song in the late 80s with a tune called "Angel Eyes". He was only 41-years-old and died of cancer. Major bummer. But, on the other end of the spectrum, I may be late to the party, but I just found out about Hard Rock Park, a rock n' roll theme park set to open on June 2, 2008! Dude! I have four words for you: Led Zepplin: The Ride. Sweet! There's also a suspended roller coaster called Slippery When Wet. Bitchin'! I feel like grabbing a can of Aquanet and some ripped jeans and road trippin' down to Myrtle Beach, SC, for the grand opening, where The Eagles and The Moody Blues will do the honors.

I hope by now you've all caught the SNL version of the democratic debate, but in case you haven't, check out a clip of it here, along with the real Hillary and her doppleganger, Amy Poehler. Hilarious.





And, let the Juno backlash begin! Andy Samberg was dressed in drag, as Diablo Cody at the Oscars, during Ellen Page's monologue. I haven't been able to find it online, but it was pretty damn funny. Ellen made a solid effort, but she didn't really get a lot to do. I felt a little bad for her in the "Virginiaca" sketch, as I think it's hard to top Justin Timberlake and Scarlett Johanson's turns as the rich white stepdaughters of a large black woman.

Oh, just a couple quick thoughts on Project Runway: I was a little squicked out by Chris' use of human hair as fringe in his collection, and though I enjoyed his personality, I think Rami was the clear choice to join Christian and Jillian at Fashion Week. I'm excited to be baffled and amazed by what they all send down the runway in the finale!

It's Oscar Weekend

Though I have seen a grand total of one of the Best Picture nominees, I am still rather excited for tonight's big event. It might be the live blogging, I don't know. Apparently, so is Lisa Rinna, who works the Red Carpet for E! Yesterday, perusing my latest People magazine, I was made privy to her pre-awards regimen, and it is kind of a scary comment on how obsessed one can be with one's looks. She gets Botox every three weeks, some other dermatological peel of some sort, admits to taking Dexatrim (What is this, 1987? Oh, it's the "all natural green tea formula", whatev!) and even has a hysterical picture in the mag where she's trying to look all windblown while "running" with light weights. (Not that I doubt she exercises, girlfriend is ripped.)

The day of the show, she eats a banana and Red Bull for breakfast and her lunch consists of a "half an omlette" (can't you just make a smaller omlette?) and turkey bacon. The funniest thing in this article is where she insists her lips are natural. I can't believe she thinks anyone would believe that, considering she looks like that singing Bass that was all the rage not too long ago. Up on the right is some photographic evidence to disprove her statement.

Last night was the return of Saturday Night Live after the lengthy strike-imposed hiatus. My girl Tina Fey hosted, and she did a great job, especially in the Rock of Love sketch, the commercial for Annuale (the pill that creates annual periods, and which implores you that when you do get your period you better "hold on to your f'in hat!") the game show "What's that Bitch Talkin' About?" (where the grand prize was a '92 Canary Yellow Mazda Protege) and in her guest stint on Weekend Update. She had great one-liners about Kirstie Alley swearing she's kept her weight off ("She knows we can see her, right?") and Lindsay Lohan's nude photos ("finding new and different ways to look old"). As for Hillary Clinton being perceived as a bitch, Tina may have had a point when she rebuffed that by saying, "Bitches get stuff done!"

I hope that EJ saw the Celebrity Apprentice spoof, which had mutations like Celebrity Apprentice: Special Victims Unit (with Mary Jo Buttafucco and John Mark Karr, plus his fave, Gene Simmons, as a judge in a task that required them to make a porno). Also, at the goodnights, Tina brought out Don Pardo, the longtime NBC announcer, who started at the network in 1944 and just turned 90-years-old! Honestly, he looks about 75 to me.

My very favorite part, though, was this, from Tina's monologue, where she addressed the strike (yes, I am rewound and paused the DVR multiple times to get this all down. Leave me alone.) "We were able to raise the rate of writers' compensation for ad supported electronic sell thru downloads from a flat rate of $600 for 26 weeks, per 100,000 downloads, to a percentage of .036% of a distributor's gross of any ad revenue generated by said streaming after an initial window of 17 days, starting in 3 years. So, yeah!" TV is back!